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6 Reasons Dentists Are Evil

Yes, there are many jobs that you'd have to be a sadistic bastard to want to do, but there's really no other field besides dentistry where "Be a sadistic evil asshole" is written under the heading "Qualifications" when you apply for a job. Being a dentist is truly an evil occupation. Here are just some of the reasons why:

1. Dentists Use Medieval Torture Devices.

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It's the year 2015. We can do spinal surgery with a laser incision 1-inch in size. We make brand new hands out of stem cells! We're cloning eyeballs. Yet, when you go to the dentist's office, he still reaches for that manual drill that they've been using to make holes in people's faces since the 1950s. I think if you look hard enough it's even rusty!


2. Dentists Are Insulting Assholes.

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If you were a sick, sick masochist, you could go to one dentist one day and then go to see a different one the next day, the second smug bastard would tell you that you have some plaque. He'd act like your teeth were the filthiest teeth he'd ever seen. Don't these dentists realise that we have to eat? Are we supposed to cover our teeth with cellophane before meals to keep them clean for their infernal dental majesties' approval?


3. Dentists Are Greedy, Greedy Jerks.

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Dentists charge outrageous prices no matter what they're doing! Just scraping off a little tartar, giving your teeth a spin with a brush and then looking at you with that bright light costs a small fortune alone. It's like paying someone £50 to punch you in the face and then tell you that your skin could look nicer.


4. Dentists Can't Even Provide Good Reading Material While You're Waiting to Be Tortured.Dentists Can't Even Provide Good Reading Material While You're Waiting to Be Tortured..png

Every magazine is at least 6 months old. And all the interesting bits have already been torn out...no doubt by the evil dentist!


5. Dentists Play Cruel Mind Games With You.

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Sometimes, the dentist likes to have a bit of fun during your appointment, doesn't he? He asks you questions while he's got his hands all stuffed into your mouth or you've got a huge hose hanging out of it. Are you supposed to answer with your mouth full? Wait until he moves on? Is it rhetorical? Why is he doing this to you? Why does he hate you so much?!?


6. Dentists Like to Add Insult to Injury.

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Then when it's time to go comes the worst part...after all of the torture you've endured, you're given the shittiest parting gift at all...a junk toothbrush you wouldn't even pay for at the store.


Sadly, despite their evil doing, the dentist is an unavoidable fellow...for now. Until someone develops a benevolent robot that can tenderly and kindly care for our teeth and gums, we have to resign ourselves to being exposed to their evil gazes and their cruel and unusual forms of treatment!

Try your best not to upset your dentist while you secretly dream of a future free of--oh bullocks....did my dentist see this? And I have a loose filling to get worked on....

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