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The Friend That Eats All The Food

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The Friend That Eats All the Food. He or she may be a perfectly lovely person in most regards, but whenever food is involved, you hate the bastard's guts. You're not sure if it's some sort of compulsion they have, a fear of starvation? a food addiction? a lack of social graces? a complete disregard for their fellow humans? But something, some terrible something makes them an over consumer of food.

This doesn't necessarily mean that they're overweight either. In fact, often the worst Friend That Eats All the Food characters are rather slim. Maybe it's because they burn a lot of calories depriving others of food or because they're always running in search of food to consume. Who knows!

If you're scratching your head in confusion, you might be the Friend That Eats All the Food. Answer these questions to find out:

1. When you split a pizza with friends, do you work out how many pieces are rightfully yours, or do you continue stuffing the pizza into your mouth hole until the box is empty?

2. After said pizza is gone, do your friends ever show signs of lingering hunger, such as scraping cheese or toppings off the box?

3. At the movies, do your friends attempt to not share popcorn with you? Do you insist anyway? Do you continually shovel popcorn into your mouth, exhausting the supply before the trailers are complete?

4. Do you look in people's refrigerators without asking?

5. Do you take things out of people's refrigerators without asking?

6. Do you prepare full three-course meals from other people's food without asking?

7. Have you ever taken home food from a friend's refrigerator and eaten it at your house rather than eating it there?

8. If you had chocolate in your pocket but saw that your friend also had chocolate, would you ask for half of your friend's and secretly keep your chocolate saved for later?

9. When you order a starter or a dessert to share with a friend, do you always get the first bite and the last bite? Most of the bites in between too? All of the bites?

10. Have you ever asked if you could take your friend's food home as a doggy bag?

11. Have you ever eaten someone else's food out of the refrigerator at work?

12. Do you take more than one piece of candy from a friend's candy dish? More than 3? More than 5? Have you ever emptied the dish? Did it happen at once and go into your pocket?

13. Do you ever pat your stomach and say you couldn't eat another bite after a meal with friends and notice that they're all eerily silent and not agreeing?

Well, there you have it. If you said yes to these questions, you are the Friend That Eats All the Food. You are driving your friends mad, but they're too nice to tell you. So we will--you act like a greedy git. Stop it. STOP IT NOW.

If it's not you but you want to passively aggressively let your selfish mate know you're on to him, simply share and tag the greedy fucker!

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