The Nonstop Photo Aunty

Jun 27, 2016 People , Party , Family , Sam Mealey

It doesn't matter what type of family event you're attending. It could be Christmas dinner. It could be someone's birthday or anniversary party. It might be a wedding. It might just be a Sunday brunch someone's throwing. The menu, the setting, the decor, the conversation--all of that might change depending on the occasion, but there's one thing you can always count on at the festivities: Nonstop Photo Aunty will be there.

Who is Nonstop Photo Aunty? We're glad you asked. Here are some things to look for to spot her in the assemblage of guests:

1. Nonstop Photo Aunty will have a camera. Not a smartphone. She will have an actual camera. It will likely not even be a point and shoot model. Oh no, Nonstop Photo Aunty will have a professional SLR type camera. It might even be decades old.

2. Nonstop Photo Aunty has such a fancy camera because she thinks she's a professional photographer. She is not, of course. She doesn't even really know how to work the fancy camera, but she gives it a go anyway.

3. Because Nonstop Photo Aunty thinks she is a professional photographer, she will not be content to just take a picture. She will try to achieve the perfect shot. This means that you will have to hold a pose for abnormally long amount of time. Your facial expression will look horribly awkward as a result. She will say you never looked better. You won't have the heart to tell her that you somehow look like you're constipated and taking a shit at the same time.

4. You will likely see the camera more than Nonstop Photo Aunty's actual face throughout the entire party. There is a very good chance that Nonstop Photo Aunty will not actually know anything about what happened at the party except in regards to the photos that she's taken. "OH! That was the party where I took the picture of Susan in that pretty blue dress! Look I have a picture of the punch bowl! No, I don't know what flavour it was, but look how I captured the shine of the ice floating in it!"

5. When Nonstop Photo Aunty does put down the camera, it will only be to show you the photographs. You will be in them looking awful. She will have an extra copy for you. You will have to take it to not appear to be a heartless jerk.

Keep in mind that Nonstop Photo Aunty may not be the actual sister or sister-in-law of your mum or dad. She might be a sibling of a grandparent, some old lady that just happens to be friends with your family or a random friend of your parents' that wants to pretend she's your aunt with a fancy title. Whoever she is, now you know how to spot her.

Be on the lookout at the next get-together and pick her out. Just don't scream, "YOU! YOU'RE THE NONSTOP PHOTO AUNTY!" That would be awkward. On second thought, do scream it, and then drop us a line to tell us what happens.